Stepping into Love
We might have fallen in love, but falling didn’t get us very far. Once the rush of the fairy tale wedding passed, the ‘living happily ever after’ was much more work than any princess movie ever prepared us for. We were about 6 months into marriage; wrapping up a twelve-hour argument, sitting on the floor of our bedroom, when we decided to add one more vow to our public wedding words; “I promise to never threaten to leave you again.” We had had conversations like this before we said our ‘I do’s’ but something about the finality of actual marriage scared us both more than we were willing to admit, and we needed to acknowledge this. We were two strong-willed, stubborn people who lived a lot of life trying to prove we didn’t need anyone before our paths crossed, but that strategy wasn’t going to work anymore. We needed each other and we both knew this was true.
Intentionally choosing to step into love over and over is fundamentally less exciting than falling into love in a moment. We could no longer rely on our feelings to determine our commitment, and while this triggered insecurities in the early years, we began to understand that our emotions were all too fleeting to rely upon. Over time, the need to live beyond our emotional state seemed to become more of an inherent obligation for enduring life- even more than love.
The most difficult part of love is found in the waiting. The space in time in which one person chooses to step forward but must wait for the other to choose to do the same. It’s an exchange full of surrender and vulnerability; both of which can be excruciating to bear. Since forward progress is always the goal, there’s a balancing act that takes place as two individuals strive to not drift too far apart as they wait for one another. Choosing each other time after time offers a stability that can’t be found in a fall, it’s a steady climb that builds strength with each choice and eventually offers the sturdy foundation for what can become a life that yields a ‘Happily Ever After…’
If the journey of love has caused your relationship to drift apart, or left you feeling weak in the wait, I would love to be a partner for you. Therapy can help navigate the stepping process and bring clarity to a relationship’s difficult season.