feeling disappointed

Last week our main hay barn blew down in the storms.

Not devastating, but super disappointing.

There was nothing about this barn we really ever intended to change, at least not within the next 40 years, so it felt like a headache we would have preferred not to have. (But I guess, when does a person prefer to have a headache?)

Aside from the few potentially traumatic instances of getting trapped between the large stacks of hay; the kids made countless memories full of forts, stray cats, adventure packs, climbing races and all sorts of games beneath the roof that once existed on this barn. It has saved cattle from freezing temperatures, gave a pack of goats a refuge for a short season, kept equipment and cars out of the elements when needed and obviously stored one of our greatest resources-hay.

Though all these things are luxuries, this barn had become a staple to our operation. It served its purpose well and we often spoke of how grateful we were to have it. Nonetheless, the experience of disappointment swept across the whole family in its own way, and the mess is now ours to address.

•••

I used to think feeling disappointed was a huge waste of time.

I mean if you can’t do anything about it why get all emotional, am I right?

I’ve come to find that the experience of disappointment is embodied in life’s many closed doors. Whether they are gently shut, slammed in your face or blown down by a windstorm, it is normal to initially meet the shock of these moments with sadness or frustration, or a combination of both. However, there is a crossroads to encounter in every one of these experiences. As you search for another door, you have two options ahead: fear or hope. The two cannot coexist.

This T in the road will be found throughout the map of life, and it is for that reason I have found a value in taking note of it when it arises.

Disappointment is a guarantee, but fear and dread for the future doesn’t have to be. Though you can’t linger for long, or the direction of fear will be chosen for you, is it on the doorstep of disappointment that a person is offered the illogical path of hope. However, if the pain of a closed door is ignored, it will come back around every time the metaphorical winds of life start to blow.

Feeling disappointed sucks but persevering in fear sucks too. So here we are with one option left: illogical hope. Feel it. Let it be. And choose hope. That’s an outcome I now consider to be worth my time to find.